What to do with these lemons?

Hello my friends.  I have been told that I need to blog more.  I actually had another post I had written 2 nights ago  but it was so negative.  I may have to save that post for a later date.  I complain entirely too much in it and given the fact that my last post was basically  me crying about work, I am going to go with being more positive in this post. I’m sick of life handing me lemons and me not making my lemonade.   I don’t want to just be negative all the time.  I feel like I may be leaving a very pessimistic legacy for myself.   I don’t want someone to sit my great-grandchildren down and say “You’re great  Grandpappi Jason,  he could whine and complain with the best of em’.”  No… I will be happier and more positive because that’s who I am.  No more cynicism or skepticism or negativity.  Life is great.  Think positive thoughts…

Who am I kidding?   Negativity is in my blood.  Here are 3 short stories to prove that point.

Story #1:  Alright so I’ve gotten to know people around this town pretty well.  I see them at work, at church, or at Wal-Mart and it’s always fairly pleasant.  There is a friend of Kelli’s that we see sometimes and she is a very nice girl.  But one thing I’ve learned about this town is, anyone who is a decent high school athlete is basically a celebrity.  Almost every time I see that girl she tells me about this runner at the local high school… Adam somethings.  Multiple people have told me that I HAVE to see him run.  He is a senior distance runner and he is just incredible.  Finally I asked what exactly he runs and the girl told me it was the mile.  Then I asked what his fastest mile time was and she answered… 4:52.  I asked her if she meant 3:52 and she said “no, he ran a 4:52 at the district meet last year.”   I questioned if that was the right time because well, that was my fastest time and I was like the 5th fastest mile runner on my high school team.  I am not trying to sound arrogant but I’m sorry I was not about to go watch someone do something that I have done.  That would be like if someone said “Hey Jason, you have to see this guy play basketball.  He can shoot like 1 for 15 and with a running start, he can touch the net.”  Or how about… “Yo Jason, you should come out and watch this guy play golf.  He shoots like a 130 in 18 holes on his best day.”   I’m having fun with this.  One more… “Sup Jason?  Hey, you should check out this guitarist in this band.  He can play a the G chord pretty well.  Not the F though….  that really hurts his fingers.”   See where I’m coming from?  The bottom line is, I’ve never seen so much hype for mediocrity.  I ended up watching him run.  It was the slowest 5:10 mile I’ve seen in my life.  That’s right… he didn’t break 5 minutes.

Story #2:  One night Kelli and I decided we wanted to go on a date.  I did a little research on the interweb to see what kind of fun things there are to do in Kansas.  I was super excited when I saw that there was a local “indie theater” about 20 minutes from us.  Not to mention tonight was opening night for “Winter’s Bone.”  (95% on Rotten Tomatoes) I was even more pumped because it was the only theater in the state that was playing the movie.  So Kelli and I drive to Salina, KS where it was playing.  (Side note:  The first time I went to Salina was on our way to Orrey’s wedding.  Brandon Loeser convinced  Gabe that the place was pronounced “Selena”  like the spanish singer.  So,  I already have great memories from Salina)  Anyways, the plan was to get to the theater about an hour and a half early to get tickets, then grab a bite to eat and come back to the movie without any worries of “will we get tickets?”  .  We really wanted to play it safe.  Kent Wolever always said 90% of the fun of going to movies is getting there early and getting a great seat.  Well we get to the door and the place is locked.  There was a sign with a doorbell that said “ring bell”  so I did just that.  A man came to the door with the most puzzled look on his face.  His face was so confused that I asked “Is this the movie theater?” even though it said “THEATER” in huge letters on the building.  That’s how much his face made me doubt myself.  Anyways, he nodded yes, and I said “Oh, well we want 2 tickets for “Winter’s Bone.”  He then said “The movie doesn’t start for an hour and a half.”  I said, “Oh I know, I just wanted to get tickets early to be safe.”  And in the rudest little tone you can imagine the man first chuckled and then said ” I think you’ll be fine.”  I actually said “Ok.”   I wanted to say “Well to hell with me  for thinking that I would need to buy tickets early for a movie.  You know… a movie that has so much “Oscar Buzz” surrounding it you could vomit and only your theater is playing it in the state.  I’m such a Jackass.  I think I’ll go put my head in a hole now.   Screw me and thanks a bunch.”  I wanted to say that… give or take a few curse words, but I took a second and just said “Ok.”  We ended up seeing it, despite my best efforts to convince Kelli that we did not need to support that place.  In the end, I liked the movie and they had cheap candy so I came around.  

Story #3:  Kelli and I drove 15 minutes to the snow cone stand.  I had my debit card, which was stupid because trying to pay with a debit card in this town is like trying to pay with euros.  I also had 2 bucks in cash-money thinking I’d be fine.  We wait in line and finally get to the stand and I ask how much their smallest snow cone was.  It was $3.50 for the kiddie size.  How ridiculous is that?  I didn’t realize we were at  the Ritz Carlton of snow cone stands.  So not only could we not get a snow cone, we couldn’t get one kiddie snow cone to share.  So in front of a crowd of people , we had to take this embarrassing walk of shame back to the car because we were the couple who couldn’t afford to share a snow cone.

***BONUS STORY:  While I’m sharing with you stories of complaining I might as well go all out.  I’m at work right now.  It’s 7:30  on a  Tuesday morning.  Tonight was supposed to be my night off but I got called in at 9:00 pm.  This is after I stayed up all day yesterday to spend time with my fiance on a rare day that we both have off.  I also worked the night before.  So in conclusion, I feel terrible and haven’t slept since 2:30 pm on Sunday afternoon.  But I think I am turning over a new leaf and starting to see things more positively.   Because of all this sleeplessness, on Wednesday I have a doctor’s appointment to get some Ambien!   I’m actually very excited and you should be too.   The  Ambien induced blog posts about who’s out to get me are going to be awesome.  So life is looking pretty optimistic now.  Life is handing me lemons, and now I’m making Ambien.


3 Responses to “What to do with these lemons?”

  1. Orrey Says:

    Unsurprisingly, your blog has quickly become my favorite.

  2. Womesmack Says:

    This is all very good. It’s perfectly depressing and optimistic all at the same time (with a touch of hilarity). Reminds me of weddings.

  3. Stephen Wagner Says:

    Good stories Jason. Every now and again I wonder how you and Chris are doing. Glad you are doing well!


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